how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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