I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
