I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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