did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize