I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
