I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
