2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
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I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
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I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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