You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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