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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize