we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
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