The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
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The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
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Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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