How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize