Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
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