I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
