Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
