is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
