I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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