to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
