Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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