WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
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Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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