I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
