Just mADE A PArabola og urine
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
