After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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