I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
