Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
