i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize