butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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