Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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