my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
