Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My breasts were aching with rage.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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