She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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