Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
