you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
