After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
