What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
