FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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