Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
