1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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