about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Blood and glitter go together right?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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