how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
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oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
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The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize