dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
