dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
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At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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