I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
