I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
