you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
