I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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