the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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