Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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