i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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