:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
