So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
