just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
