even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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