Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Let's get the cat blown out
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
