shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
