awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
