Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
